Why Women Fear Financial Independence After Toxic Relationships

I remember walking out of court on January 13, 2016, the day my divorce was finalized. It was just me and a friend. He—my ex-husband, the father of my three children—was free to do what he wanted. I, on the other hand, faced a complete lifestyle change. The moment that paperwork was signed, I knew I was now walking this journey alone, raising our children on a single income. It wasn’t easy, and the reality of being the sole provider felt overwhelming.

I had two choices. I could fight for child support, knowing he could go to court with a disability claim and likely never pay, or I could come up with a plan to ensure my kids didn’t have to feel the financial burden of my decision. I knew I had a great support system, but the day-to-day burden fell squarely on me. The hustle outside the home meant less time being the mother I wanted to be, and I often questioned if leaving was the right choice.

Should I have stayed, like so many women do, for the comfort, the stability? Should I have endured a toxic environment, sacrificing my mental health and future, just to avoid starting over? These are the questions that haunt many of us who have found ourselves in unhealthy or even cheating relationships.

Why Do Women Stay?

The truth is, many women stay in toxic or unfaithful relationships for one reason: fear of doing it alone, especially financially. Studies show that a significant number of women remain in unhealthy relationships because they feel financially trapped.

According to a study by The Institute for Women’s Policy Research, about 60% of women who stay in toxic or abusive relationships cite financial instability as a key reason for not leaving. Women who rely on their partner’s income often feel they won’t be able to support themselves or their children independently. This fear becomes a powerful force that keeps many in damaging situations.

Additionally, 34% of women stay in marriages involving infidelity or other forms of betrayal because they don’t feel financially secure enough to leave. This statistic, reported by The Journal of Family Psychology, highlights how the combination of financial dependence and the wage gap makes escaping these situations incredibly difficult for many women.

The Wage Gap and Financial Burden

This fear is not unfounded. Even in 2024, women are still paid roughly 82 cents for every dollar that a man earns, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Over a lifetime, this wage gap can add up to a staggering loss in earnings—women can lose up to $400,000 over a 40-year career compared to men. This disparity is even greater for women of color, with Black women earning 63 cents and Hispanic women earning just 58 cents to every dollar a white man earns.

When divorce or separation happens, women are disproportionately affected. Research from the National Women’s Law Center shows that nearly 40% of single mothers live in or near poverty, compared to just 22% of single fathers. The financial burden on single mothers is significantly higher, which can make leaving a toxic relationship feel impossible.

Single-parent homes have increased by 30% in the last 30 years, and the financial strain on single mothers has grown alongside it. The average single mother household has a median income that is 30% lower than the average household headed by a married couple, according to data from the Pew Research Center.

The Decision to Leave

I stayed too long. For many of the same reasons that many of you reading this have stayed. Comfort. Stability. Fear of starting over. I told myself, "How can I take care of these responsibilities alone?" But what I’ve learned is that financial stability should never be the reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Women, we are stronger than we think. Financial freedom isn’t just possible—it’s necessary.

Although I hate that divorce became my reality, I know that I made my decision in faith. Leaving was not easy, and it certainly wasn’t perfect, but my children will one day be proud of the choices I made. I want to be clear—this is not about speaking ill of anyone. It’s about walking in my truth and knowing that, despite the hardships, choosing a different path was what I needed to do.

Financial Freedom is Within Reach

For those of you who feel trapped, remember: you can take control of your financial future. It’s time we redefine what financial independence looks like for women. It doesn’t mean we have to do it alone forever, but it does mean we have the freedom to walk away when it’s no longer healthy to stay. Today, we are building wealth, creating businesses, and securing futures for our families that aren’t dependent on anyone else.

My journey wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. And so is yours. Don’t let fear of financial instability keep you from stepping into the life you deserve. We can achieve financial freedom—and together, we will.

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You don’t have to do it alone sis, it’s a community just for you!!